Bedtime - that time of the day I often find myself counting down to and then when it does come round, I also find myself dreading it as well. Dinner is finished and we’re starting to make moves towards upstairs and I often find myself wondering what’s in store. Is this going to be one of those nights where everything runs smoothly ? Is one (or both) of them going to go on strike over pyjamas or having to have a bath? Are they going to be in a loving brother and sister mood (once in a blue moon) or am I going to have to play referee in the bath or when it comes to picking what book we’re reading. Bedtime is something which I’ve historically handled 90% of the time due to Mr Su needing to be on calls at that time or more recently, back to traveling. For that reason, both kids have developed a rather ironclad preference towards Mamma putting them to bed. After my daughter’s arrival in late 2020, this meant two bedtime routines, one after the other mostly with Mamma. This worked fine for a time as my daughter was typically quite easy and ‘quick’ to settle and put to bed. So I would put her down while Papa or our babysitter kept an eye on my son, and then start the next routine with my son. He takes quite some time to fall asleep most evenings and as a result of all the time we spent together before his sister came alone and during lockdown, I usually have to stay with him until he falls asleep. In recent months, my daughter’s bedtime routine has naturally evolved into requiring more time (more books to read, etc.). Concurrently, my son is at that stage where he’s on the verge of dropping his afternoon nap completely and thus needs an earlier bedtime. The one after the other approach just isn’t working for us any more. So in the last couple of months, I’ve decided to bite the bullet and try to tackle bedtime for both of them together. Initially it was one or two nights here or there and let me tell you, it wasn’t pretty at the start - especially on the night’s where I haven’t had back up. BUT, fast forward two months and things are kind of working quite well for all involved now. We’re managed to find a bit of a system that while it’s not some idyllic scene of the two of them falling asleep peacefully hand in hand with not a single tear shed, it’s certainly helping in the following ways:
Giving this Mamma back some precious time in the evenings
Avoiding bedtime slipping or starting too late for my older child
Helping to develop the bond between my two kids which has been non-existent up to this point.
Right now, I’d even go so far as to say that the kids both seem to settle and fall asleep quicker the nights we do bedtime together versus the occasional night we don’t. It’s working well and is adaptable so that when Papa is around, he can get involved too. Although, there’s still not a chance this Mamma can slip out of the proceedings entirely. We are hoping this serves as the preamble to the kids being able to share a room in the not too distant future as well but I am not quite ready to tackle that one just yet.
If you find yourself in a similar position with two toddlers close in age and bedtime being an on-going challenge, I don’t have a magic wand to make it easier. I’ll set out the steps we’re taking that is evolving well for us as well as a few things I have to remind myself often:
Take 5 minutes at some point earlier in the day to get the bedroom/s set up for bedtime. The nights I have prepared beforehand are the nights that run the smoothest. I feel more on top of things and everything being where it should be leaves less scope for getting distracted and thus opening the door for potential meltdowns.
Use this checklist to make sure you have everything you need. It literally takes 5 minutes
We usually go straight from dinner time to bed time giving the kids no more than 10 mins or so between leaving the table and heading up the stairs. Any longer and they become too engaged in a new activity and more likely to drag their heels.
If cleaning the kitchen also falls to you Mamma, I tend to do this while chatting to the kids while they eat.
Give some responsibility to older child (e.g. bubble bath, choosing the first book to read, switching the lights out)
Consistency is key in everything - i.e. on the evenings you let them dawdle or start to play again, they are harder to coax up the stairs
Keeping it predictable every night has made things easier. Takes a week or two but when they know what to expect, there tends to be less resistance and more cooperation
If it sounds regimental on paper, fine. But in reality, it’s just a loose outline that we follow, not to the minute. Just putting timings in for reference.
Kid’s are served dinner at 5.30pm - main meal followed by some yogurt or a fruit smoothie.
Meal wraps up by around 6.15pm
6.15pm Vitamins - this might seem like an odd thing to mention but giving them their vitamins has become something of an anchor in the transition between dinner and the beginning of bedtime. They know that once the vitamins are done, I’m going to tell them to head towards the stairs.
6.20pm - Time to go upstairs. I find asking my older child to show his little sister the way upstairs helpful. He’s the one usually more likely to put up some resistance but when you give him a ‘job’ or some responsibility like leading the way for the rest of us, 9 times out of 10, he’s happy to be in charge.
6.25pm - Run the bath - I find it helpful to enlist ‘help’ from both of them with getting the bath ready to stop them disappearing off in different directions.
6.30 - Both of them into the bath. Leave them to it while they play away (or fight) for 10 minutes. Side note: When my brain is not totally fried and on the days I actually remember, I sometimes use this time to take my makeup off / do my evening skincare routine beside them while they’re in the bath.
6.40 - Getting two kids out of a bath without taking an eye off them or letting them freeze! This bit used to be stressful but now I just make sure I have everything I need for my daughter to hand (pyjamas, nappy, eczema cream) and dry her and dress her in the bathroom while I continue to keep an eye on my son in the bath. Side note: Both of my kids are steady on their feet now but if one of your kids wasn’t, you could just be sure to have their bouncer chair or similar in the bathroom to secure them while you get the second child out.
Get my son out and transfer to the bedroom to get him dressed.
6.50 - Brush teeth and books - Both kids are in pyjamas now and we brush teeth (no tips here - this is a constant struggle in our house). We all convene on the spare bed in my daughter’s (the younger one) bedroom where I’ve already put a handful of books for them to choose, having picked the ones I know they like at the moment (so books on repeat but less objections). I usually my daughter (the youngest) to pick one first and then ask my son to choose the one he wants me to read to him in his bed a bit later. It’s seldom we have a night without some disagreement over books but usually with the prior narrowing down done by Mamma, the conflict is kept to a minimum. We usually read two books together (my son sometimes interested, sometimes not but happy enough to do his own thing in the room while I read).
7.10 - Books finished. I ask my son to turn out the various lights which he eventually does (usually with some extra on and offs in between but hey). Then I have him come and say good night to his sister and hands down, this is one of my favourite moments of the day - the two of them fight like cats and dogs 99% of the time but for those few moments at bedtime, they seem to put aside their differences and just enjoy putting their little heads together and smile for a toddler ‘cuddle).
I tell my son to get into his bed in the room next door and pick out a book for me to read. Again, has taken some time work without 100 detours or objections along the way, but with over time he’s kind of going with it.
I give my daughter some cuddles and a few mins of 1:1 time and then transfer her into her cot and say goodnight and leave the room. With some light touch sleep training undertaken when she was around 12 months (she’s 16 months now), she’s generally quite good at falling asleep by herself at this point. Not every night goes smoothly but more often than not, she will.
7.20 - I do one more book with my son and then it’s time for ‘lights out’. I usually have to stay with him (“Mammy sleeps beside me”) until he gets a little more sleepy but on a good night, I’m ‘out’ by around 7.45pm. Then there are the nights when I pretend I’m asleep and next thing I know, it’s 10pm
I know how much this process will differ from family to family and child to child so please don’t take any of this as prescriptive. Maybe it’s a smooth process for you or maybe the thoughts of putting two kids to bed at the same time just seems impossible right now (it was for me, for a long time). But in case it’s helpful, my main takeaways from working on this for the past few months are as follows:
It takes time - keep with the consistency and predictability even if it feels like you are getting nowhere. After a while, if the kids know what to expect, there tends to be less resistance.
Be patient or everything takes longer. Try to keep patient and channel every bit of zen you can find. The nights I reach my tipping point and get frustrated or lose my cool, everything takes longer. The kids get upset, have to be settled, etc.
Be consistent - it won’t happen on the first night, or thr third night or the seventh night but gradually things will start to click, fall in to place and get a bit easier. One thing I had heard many times and truly do believe now is that kids thrive on consistency and predictability. The more times you repeat the same nightly routine, the more likely they are to go along with it (most of the time anyway).
5 minutes prep earlier in the day will save your sanity. Tweak this checklist to your own needs and use it until you no longer need it and the five minute prep becomes second nature.
Try to enjoy it even just for a minute here and there - some of the sweetest and funniest moments I’ve had with my kids have been at bedtime. Sure, you’re on the home stretch to some long awaited and much needed peace and quiet when they go to sleep but every once in a while, stop and just watch them - there’s guaranteed to be some entertaining moments in between the madness.
Above all, I hope that whatever way your kids go to bed that you get some precious and much needed time to recharge before the madness begins again tomorrow!
Comments